As I sit here tonight thinking about what is to start tomorrow I get a little shudder down my spine. The feeling of anticipation is like no other feeling. I'm sure people can relate to this feeling, this amazingly beautiful fear of what you know is coming but not really sure what the outcome will be. That is what I am feeling the night before I leave on The Great Loop.
It is the same feeling I can imagine that many have felt a few times in their life. It comes when you know something is going to happen at a specific time but yet are unsure of the outcome. It is not the same as say childbirth, no that is one of those things you know is going to happen but just kind of springs up out of nowhere. It is not like a car accident again that is something that springs up and scares the daylights out of you. No this is much different. This comes from knowing what, when and where, but with no idea what to expect.
I felt this first recently with my heart surgery. The night before my surgery I knew I was going to be cut open I knew when it was going to happen but I had no idea of the outcome. I felt it again with my first triathlon last year. I also felt it again the night before I left on my cross country bicycle trip and I felt it again the night before I came home from that trip.
Most recently I felt it the night before I left everything to come here to Florida to chase a dream. It is a beautiful mix of feelings and I imagine it is the same for everyone who has felt it. A mixture of fear, anxiety, anticipation, humility, loneliness and hope. It comes rushing up on you causing your heart to race and mind to jump all over the place to several different possible outcomes. It can cause you to rethink every decision you have ever made and second guess the will of the universe.
This beautiful mixture is what comes from living and some that equate living to feeling and experiencing all life has to offer can truly relate to this. It is not for everyone, some may only ever feel this when about to do something like skydiving or say jumping off a cliff into a pool of water below. That is somewhat similar but not really the same. If you have experienced that feeling now imagine it times 100 with everything on the line. That is the rush that comes with following through, walking through the fear and going for it.
If anyone remembers the movie Tin Cup it is kind of like the ending. When he just kept going for it despite the fact he was going to lose the Masters he went for it. That is what it means to grip life to reach for something truly beyond. That is what this feeling is. I have no idea if this will open up more doors or what to expect but I am going for it.
Tomorrow I leave to hopefully define my future. Become the writer I want to be, see the world from a whole new perspective and to be a part of life. This feeling is like no other and really I have become addicted to it. I have become addicted to life. I hope one day if you have not done so you just go for it and try....this is a beautiful mixture and should it fall short. Well just like in Tin Cup it is only failing if you do not try, If you try and it doesn't work out you still have gone further than most at least you went for it and walked through the fear....Bring On The Great Loop.
