As I have said in earlier posts. Life has not always been a bad thing and over this past week with the exception of yesterdays discussion about inspiration I have focused a little too much on the difficult times and what I have had to go through to overcome them. Tonight however I would like to talk about the good. Talk a little about the most poignant and fun moments of my life and the amazing people in it. So hold on have fun and I hope you laugh a little.
Like I said I don't remember a ton from my childhood. My mothers passing was a clock stopper for a long time even now but enough about that. But if your going to discuss the bad you must also look at the good. I do remember on a family vacation a few years before my mother got sick at Kings Dominion. While everyone else slept my mother woke me to watch Prince Charles and Princess Diana get married. I remember it was early or late but it was dark either way. My mother had that same look in her eye when she made me watch Luke and Laura get married on General Hospital......either way those were particular moments that were just mine and my mothers. If you didn't have those moments I m sorry you can borrow my memories if you need a good one to have.
Skip forward to when my father was trying hang in there as a dad. he decided he was going to try to coach my baseball team. Well it was one of the few moments that we did something together. I loved baseball back then and I was actually rather good at it. Little did I know some of the kids from my teams back then I would meet again 35 years later. The world really is small. I do regret an argument my father and I had and it involved baseball. He had come back into my life at the age of 23 and asked for me to come down to his house a little more often I said I would try but it was a little late to play catch....we got over it.
My father let me drive his Pontiac Fiero yeah thats right I drove a Fiero for a bit while he was over seas. Well I also blew up the motor on the Fiero always felt kind of bad and kind of good about that....Hey Jiffy Lube left the drain plug loose and I was maxing the tach out....
My Junior and Senior years of High School were spent on Work Study. I only had to go to English, Math, Govt and Automotive classes and then I was out of there. Funny part was I drank a lot of beer during the day because work didn't start till later. Thank you Dave for letting me use your car while you were in class. Man I enjoyed my self a little too much in High School but then again I enjoyed my life a little to much always.
One thing I always did was stand up for other people. There was this one time a friend of mine was jumped by about a dozen guys. Well you know this was one of those stupid late teen parking lot fights....there were 4 of us and 12 of them. Me being not so smart (like my friends that stepped back a little) walked up and said "Look here assholes....I am going to kick the shit out of each one of you...but I need you line up single file and I will do it one at a time." Well needless to say my friends had to pull me out of a pile of bodies. But that was always my kind of thing. Stand up for others because well I could take the beating or I could dish one out either way I stood up for myself and others always.
I once learned a valuable lesson sometimes it is best to walk away and sometimes it is best to keep your mouth shut.....and what ever you do don't ever say "Fine Fuck You Arrest Me" to a police officer. Not good at all.
Also I learned early on that Karma was a bitch.....A friend was once picking on a homeless person and well after we lost him in the city that night he was robbed and treated just like the homeless person he had himself picked on.
During this age there were some amazing women in my life and all had something about them. There was the Kerry the one I went as a Chippendale dancer with for Halloween (and yes I had the body for it then) one year. Gina my damn I should have girlfriend. There was a slew of other women as well and I will say they were always quality people first and meant a lot to me. But there always was Jenn. Jenn was a little broken like me but she stuck by me always....she understood my flaws she also understood my good....she got a full ride to Virginia Tech for academics and she wanted to pass it up to stay in Bel Air with me....I couldn't let her do that so I ended it and I wasn't nice about it...but there was no other choice....Jenn was my first love. I still smile when I think of her.
It was about this age I got a Town House in Boxhill in Abingdon MD. And I know people say their college years were crazy Well this out did their years by 10,000 fold. I had 3 to 4 room mates an unlimited supply of pot along with unlimited amounts of alcohol. And we had a nice place to live. Really there are no words to describe this time in my life except for beyond fun....we lived with no rules for a few years.
There was once this moment when my father came back to the US for a visit and brought my new step mother with him from Singapore. Now she knew nothing really of American culture let alone 4 twenty-one year old guys with too much money. They were to stay a day so I had all the guys chill for a day while they were here. Halfway through the day it started to snow and before long it became apparent they were getting snowed in with us. That is all the guys needed to know because they promised 24 hours come hour 25 it was on. I think my step mother still suffers from PTSD from those few days now. If you ever saw Animal house well Animal house would be a close second and I kid you not.
People come and go in all of our lives. Some move away. Some pass away. Some turn their back on you when you need them most. Some use you than discard you. Some friends were never friends. But I hope in their life as their has been in mine a special few who no matter what you share a bond with.
All of the people in my life that I grew up with short of Eric, John, Dave, Tony, Paul and well Cecil who were off finding their own paths turned their back on Me when I needed them most. I have even been told that it was a bigger deal to me then it was to them....Well Im not a 100% spiritual and here is my response your right it was....you were not the one thrown away you all still had each other I was the one alone all alone.
So if you want to know what type of person you turned out to be just look in the mirror and Shake your damn head. Because when each of you needed something in your life you came to me and it was done. When Andy got my house raided I took the heat for the charge because he would have lost his job. When a few others needed places to stay or money I covered it. When I just needed a friend none of you were there....and you know what decades later you tried to act as my friend and some have even talked behind my back about me....or assumed things...well you know what your behind my back for a reason and you always will be....your now the after thought and all of your actions show just how pathetic you really were and still are. These turned out to be the people who would throw a rock at others but never realize oh crap my side of the street is not perfect either. That is all I have to say about that.
I don't like fake friends. I don't like people who lie use you and discard you. Then act as if you did something wrong. I don't like people who gossip especially about things they know nothing about and I can not stand that act as if something wasn't real Sorry I can't that is not facing things that is ignoring them and acting as if everything is great because that is what you want people to think. And I certainly don't care much for people who do the wrong thing when all they had to do was the right thing but were to scared to. Now that is sad.
Ok two depressing topics but friends are a sore subject for me....but I have to say I have some amazing ones now and some that have always been there. I will tell you more about them as this blog continues.
I mentioned earlier about being homeless for a period of time. Well I stayed at the free shelter on Central Avenue at Central and Baltimore streets in the city. Even here there were good times and beautiful events. I met a man here that I have seen every year since and I will explain that in a moment. But the first night I was here and all the world was ugly something beautiful happened in that shelter. As part of the condition of staying there after dinner and a shower you had to stand in the auditorium for church service. Yes stand for 2 hours listening to a sermon about how god loves you.
That is a tough subject for 300 men to hear when you have been living a sub-human life at times. But if you wanted to sleep you had to listen. Now most know I m not religious but I do believe things happen for a reason. This night I experienced one of the most Beautiful events of my life. We were told to sing a closing hymn the one on the giant projector screen was "Pass me not oh gentle Savior" here is the refrain from that hymn:
Savior, Savior Hear my humble cry While on others Thou art calling Do not pass me by
This hymn while short as hymns go went on for about 20 min. Over 300 of the most beaten men including myself sung this hymn as the lights were turned off. It was strictly vocal and it was beautiful.
I also met a guy there who knew I was new and watched out for me. Well every year I go back down there and cut hair and have been doing so for 14 years on christmas eve. He has always been there....this year he stood next to me cutting Peoples hair because well he has his life back. He is sober he got a job an apartment even sees his daughter and son now. And at first I didn't see him this year and was worried because many die down there. But then he showed up and I almost didn't recognize him. He told me he wouldn't miss if even just once a year hanging out with his friend Matt. I love that man Joe and I will be giving bad hair cuts this year with him.
There are several people who come in and out of my life....One in particular who I have never dated but has always been there. We have only ever seen each other a total of 6 times. But we have been the dearest of friends since we met 14 years ago. Hell I have my divorce attorney as a friend and well we have not seen each other for many many moons but turns out we have a ton in common and well she is a great friend. I have not seen her in 16 years.
Heck recently I have been connecting with my old friends I thought didn't care or just lost in time. Well turns out we have and always will be friends. For that I m eternally grateful and look forward to being in their life and like wise for years and decades to come. Friends like Mark, Chance, Rob, Lee, Eric, Heath, Trish and a few others....
My friends mean the world to me and it hurts dearly when one leaves. I could care less about most other aspects of relationships for me it has and always will be about the friendships....friendship not all know what it means but it what it means to me is you stick by them....Don't be wreck less with the hearts of others and do not tolerate others being wreck less with yours....when people worry more about what others think then doing the right thing its a shame......and well that is all I have to say about that topic.
My life has always been this two-sided sword. Good/Bad and rarely in between. Normalcy is just not part of my life. But one thing is good times abound and the best is yet to come. I love my life most of the time and it is because of these good times I do not give up. I know that well it is just a moment in time. Yeah I get hurt easily and yeah I get used and yes I strike back sometimes....I am a work in progress I will never be finished but it will be one amazing ride. And I would not have gotten here without my friends no matter what. Thank you all from the bottom of my broken heart.
I know at least some aspect of my life someone can relate to. Well if you feel alone and friendless you're not. I m here I got you till you got yourself and even then I will still be here. The relationships are what ties us together and lead to GOOD TIMES and to all in my life I appreciate you even some that aren't anymore...
Till next time jump in some puddles have some fun and create some good times.
