When I started this trip it was about getting past a crossroads in my life. It was about moving forward and proving to myself that just because I'm Broken I'm Not Beaten. It seems that some of this has resonated with many people in one form or another. From Leo, the 10 year old in Croatia who has had 3 open heart surgeries and wants to be a cyclist. To a young lady in Ohio who suffers from severe medical PTSD. Or to a friends outstanding band who found inspiration in the words Broken Not Beaten and are putting together an incredible song about their own journey as well as mine. Some of what I was hoping to achieve has already begun to happen.....some realtionships have started to heal and I find myself through preparing to take this task on a relief and peace I have never known. Todays blog will be a little mix of a few topics. From the introduction of people I could of only once thought to call friend, to the healing of past mistakes and forgivness. It will also cover the joys of getting prepared and what that has been like and not to mention the results and some of where this is taking me. I know the best is yet to come....
When I started this journey one of the things that has bothered me most of my life was my inability to allow people into my life. Partially because I have been lied to and mistreated but partially because I have done those things as well. Being aware of these things is healthy after all it turns out. Everyone likes to look at their life in the most perfect of circumstances but really it is far from reality except for a few who have accepted where their life is and are happy just being themselves. For me that has always been a challenge to my way of thinking. But what I have found is that with sharing these feelings being open about what I want and where I want to go with my life people of similar interest have come into my life while the people who are comfortable with having to be accepted by others and sell themselves out for that purpose are starting to drop away. I find that as I distance myself from the social norms of what is expected I have found some of the most amazing people who I now call friends. Here are a few examples of the people I have met already and the trip has not even started.
Im first going to start with the people from the Ironheart Foundation. This group accepted me openly because I wanted to live and experience a life. When I say a life I don't just mean one of doing what Im supposed to but one that opens the doors to adventure, personal growth, striving and achieving goals along with inspiring people. These folks have no other motive then to see each other achieve more. They celebrate life and the struggles that it truly takes to have one. So many sit back and do nothing but what is supposed to be and well there is nothing wrong with that if that is all you want. But for this group doing the things they attempt after the hurdles they have had to overcome is truly amazing. Many have a zest for life that is beyond measure. They also have a mission a purpose if you will. One that shows people that you can do anything if you just are willing to do it.
Many of the people from Ironheart were athelets before their medical issues. But like myself not all of us were. This group opening up to me and allowing me in their ranks has made a world of difference to me. I found a home, people who have struggled to be better in every aspect of their life. Im proud to say most have succeeded. Like I said earlier they want only the best and celebrate the accomplishments as well as encourage each other to keep going when people come up short. These are valuable life lessons and ones I never really learned.....instead seems that many I knew before would rather celebrate the losses of others and discourage attempts at more....they of course would not do this openly but more in private. Sad very sad.
A member of Ironheart is who suggested this trip to me saw the pain of me being stuck and well gave me a suggestion to heal. I have not heard a single bad comment and nothing but support from any of them since talking with them. The know that every step any of us take is monumental and a gift and well I m starting to believe it myself. Even if I were to fall short at least Im trying. Most who will be reading this do not understand the struggles involved in overcoming issues of this magnitude....and I hope you never do but these folks do and well many of them I talk to on a regular basis about things such as feelings (fear anxiety doubt regret and my past etc etc.) I feel sorry for the people who are so scared to talk about these things for fear of what others will think. I have found that actually close real friends only know truly about each other when these things are discussed.....who knew.
So as being part of this group I have people who have died and are now living to talk with. People who understand other then just saying "get over it" (by the way that is the most ignorant statement anyone can ever say). I have goals to accomplish personally and outside of myself ones that have already opened doors all because some people who I have never met have become friends. I have found a home and appreciate each one of them. And you know what they accept me for being just me I am good enough for these great people. When I found out that I can be accepted fo being me it has opened so many doors.
Some of the other people I have met through starting this are now Friends. People who are happy with their life because they found out what is actually important. And while they have much in their life they to have accepted someone for just being themselves. It is so freeing that well i can not explain it in words. A scientist for the gov't, A docotor, personal trianers, teachers, house wives and husbands are all friends encourages and challenges me, another is in school and several others are just plain regular very cool folks who in their own right not afraid to be themselves (it is a beautiful thing). A few others are sarcastic intelligent and well just damn good people who want to see me succed with again no hidden agenda. They appreciate what Im trying to do and my reasons behind it. That is what friends do and so far I love having them. It truly is about the relationships. When your accepted and accepting of others for being who they are....I have found that you have a tendancy to be surrounded by the most amazing people.....being accepted by people who share your beliefs, life structure make real friendships. Not those fake ones that seem to be so important to some I love the people who are in my life and looking forward to adding more real people into my life.
Another benefit of the trip as I talked about in the opener is about reaching people with a little hope. While this trip is for me ultimatly it seems that others need to know that just because they are broken they are not beaten. There are many people who are afraid for one reason or another. Either from medical, emotional or physical limitations who just like me needed to find someone who believes in them. Just like I gravitated to the people of Ironheart seems others have gravitated to my journey. While it is overwhelming it is more humbling then anything. I never thought any of this was going to happen but I want you to know that I appreciate your faith in me and I will do my very best to show each of you what is possible. Just as others have shown me. This is a special moment in my life while being not just a crossroad it is a chance for me to be the man I know I can be and Im so glad I did not pass it up. By the way the pictures of the pig are for you Leo.......this pig will travel a trip you will one day travel yourself young man.....
The preparation for the journey has been an absolute joy actually. Both challenging and rewarding. I find that Im at my best when I have to challenge myself. From Two a day work outs 5 days a week to studying the route and calculating health risks. It has been fantastic. I have learned so much about myself. I thought learning to walk again was difficult, Learning to live and be my best is even harder. But it is every bit as rewarding.
Doing cycle trips daily, swimming daily and running are all just absolutly freeing. The entire process of calculating weight distribution, finding my stops and actually my most important thing is growing as a person have all been a joy. Again this is one of those things that is of monumental epic proportions. Taking on a challenge such as solo cross country trip in itself is daunting but doing it with the health issues is a whole nother ball game. But one that I feel will be over come with the proper preperation.
Getting information from others who have done touring cycling has been invaluable. Not to mention opened doors and built friendships. More on this in a bit. Buying the right equipment based on others experience has again been invaluable and knowing what to expect mentally when one is all alone in the middle of nowhere again is invaluable. It is said everyones experience is different when all we have to face is ourselves and not everyones outcome is good but again being prepared for this moment I know I am strong enough just like anyone reading this is strong enough to come out better.
Being open to know I don't know it all has also been a lesson. Rarely in my life have I admitted to not knowing what to do. And when I didn't know I winged it. Not this time....there is humility in admitting I don't know everything and that I need to learn from others. It will pay off in dividends and besides I needed to learn this.
So it seems there are many results from just this part of the journey. Many things have already started to come about from this trip things that well as a person on a mission to be better have already happened. I now can cycle with no problem 50 miles a day while doing other forms of exercise. I have lost almost a 100 lbs since my surgery. My heart has gotten almost 3x stronger since my operation. I have a group of people in my life who inspire me to be better and who help me pass that love on. There are now people in my life who accept me for being me and well they truly bring out the best in me. I have started to realize what I am truly capable of and well I don't need to be afraid anymore or blame others....more on this will come as I continue on my journey. As you can tell the results are physical but more emotional. And well that is where the best is yet to come.
I said earlier that I would talk about a specific healing situation. A person who I admired greatly both beautiful on the inside as well as the outside, who I met at the cusp of my crossroads and who I treated horribly because of my own insecurities and fears reached out to me. It took great courage for them to do this because well i didn't deserve it and well they understand what my potential could be and I guess they just needed to let me know they wanted the best for me. For someone to do that shows how much work i truly have to be worthy of a person of that caliber. Someone willing to put aside the past to open up and say hey you can do this well lets just say they are a special kind of person and one worth earning their respect by becoming the man I should be and showing them the kind of respect they are due.
So lets see I have amazing people in my life now.......I have a goal that is of epic proportions.....I have a plan to reach it......I have put in the effort to achieve it.......and I have gotten nothing but positive results from it.....what is holding you back from going beyond....remember just because Your broken you are not beaten....till next time ciao.
