I took down my last blog because it was negative. And I'm not going to focus on that anymore. I told you all I was broken but with the friends I have I'm never beaten. I don't do any of this alone and I would not still be here if it wasn't for you all.
Some say my trip inspired them and some say what happened this week off set that good. It should inspire though it's all part of the journey. I'm here today because of all of you. My friends that called, talked and helped me find the desire to shelve the passing of the light.
My journey gave me inspiration all of your stories gave me hope. I got lost in all of that somewhere. Maybe it was from the stalking being done to me, maybe it was the loss of a sponsor, maybe it was just the pure hatred and lack of some to let go but either way it fed the broken parts of my mind. It beat me if just for a moment.
I let someone else dictate my life actions. I let others pull my strings. I forgot I'm this guy:
I'm the guy who rode halfway across the US against incredible odds. I'm the guy who thrived after active addiction and homelessness. I'm the guy who has done his best to be a good father. I'm the guy lived through child abuse. I'm the guy who despite 3 different life threatening illnesses has transformed his body. I'm the guy who survived some vicious childhood traumas. I'm the guy that has helped and inspired many.....and who will continue to do so!!!
Yes we all have a past. I will do my best to no longer dwell on mine....if you want to dwell on it go for it but sorry I'm not going there with you anymore. My past almost cost me my life, if you want to carry it go for it just know im not carrying yours, it's time to just let things go.
So with this being said I'm heading to another hospital. I need to get a grasp on this ptsd, work on some mental skills to help me shelve the actions of others better. Also to learn the skills to be the father friend lover and person I need to be.
I'm optomistic and I'm grateful today...still hurt by what was done to me, it was vicious mean and painful. I always said there were aspects of my thoughts that I needed to work on. Even when I talked about my trip before I said there would come a time I would loose my mind to find my soul. Maybe that's here right now maybe I just assumed it would be in the desert.
There are no coincidences....
And the journey is on going. I almost ended it instead I'm choosing hope to see it through till the end. Time to let things go, drop the past and move forward. I will finish my trip I will be the first, this is just a place for me to get the tools needed to do it....again, thank you...my greatest moment is now just like yours.
BROKEN NEVER BEATEN
