Earlier I wrote a blog titled what the hell was I thinking. Well I know what I was thinking and I was so very wrong. One of the issues that I have had all my life whether right or wrong by your own interpretation has been one of self centeredness. This distasteful human trait and is in all people, however I will keep this strictly about me. From childhood to adulthood this behavior can be the core and the reason for so many behaviors. For me it has been the cause of so many lost relationships and well egregious behaviors. The thing is this behavior is so subtle that it is rarely noticed in themselves it is rarely even a thought, again most don't want to think of themselves in a bad light but really we all have this.....for many they just never outgrow this behavior they just accept it as normal and it is human nature after all....comes down to self preservation....but can one take it to far? My individual brand has to go back to its core and that is to show that to be broken does not mean beaten.
While out on the road I addressed many issues and many personal demons. I had even thought I had dealt with this particular one. It is however very hard to address something so ingrained in our very nature in just a short period of time.....it takes a lifetime to get to a point of self centeredness that it affects relationships and people.
For myself it started as a very young person. It was and is a survival mechanism. One that stemmed from the loss of my mother and carried over to having to fend for myself through all of my life. As being someone who had to protect himself it was more about what the world could do for me and less about what I could do for the world. Being a natural part of my behavior and one that I am aware of it was only normal to well not like it.
It has not always caused problems though. there are times when it has suited me just fine. Look at how I have made a living. Most salespeople are self centered, it is how we justify our behaviors. Heck even kids are, we would like to think we teach our children to share but enter another child jealousy rears its ugly head and well it is all part of normal human nature. Kind of like not sharing or talking about the bad things that happen in life, just because society says these are normal does not mean they are healthy. In actuality they are extremely unhealthy. At least from what I personally have experienced and seen in others. Acting ignorant of a issue does not make the issue any more impactful.
But I am kind of getting off topic let me get back into the purpose of this. Much of my actions of late have been based out of fear of the changes both emotionally and physically. A ton of things occured on the road and while it was both important to be focused on myself and the goal it was also a pleasure to serve others out there.
So when I returned home I had certain expectations. I talked about fighting within myself and part of that was the internal dual that comes with battling between what has been learned and what has been practiced. So when I got home I had to deal with this simple fight and well I lost I made things all about me. Whether it was to do with seeing others, looking for work or even healing up. I started to feel sorry for myself I started to beat myself up as if it was my fault. Silly stuff really, more self pity work then anything. I forgot some of what this whole trip has been about it was never about building a future for myself. It was never about building a brand it was never about making me into something I am not.
This is where I was wrong and damn I am glad I did enough work out there to learn how to identify things beforehand. My life is simple, feel, express and enjoy if other things come along great but this is where the simple aspects of life just come into play. Of course I want to help others I have found this to be the joy of my life. It is the single biggest aspect of my life that I miss from being on the road. Growing relationships is well a joy I want more of in my life. But I can't do that if I make this about me. Like i said it never was about me so time to halt that.
I don't want to build a brand I really don't I want to carry a very simple message. That if you think you're Broken your are never beaten. You may have an illness you may have issues but you can always reach out and do more. This is what I forgot in all the mess and hype. This was a healing journey and so far it has been it is never ending and is really it is never over.
Showing others what can be done is the only brand I want to create and I want to do it for the love of it and the giving of my gift to others.
