Today was a special kind of day in my life. I was asked to come and talk with some children who are facing a special kind of situation in their life. Having an opportunity to talk with these kids, tell my story and answer their questions was a special kind of awesome. To think some of these kids may not ever get to experience life like the rest of us is humbling to say the least. But the joy they experience is beyond measure because everything is amazing to them.
Last week I received an email asking me to come and talk with some critically ill young people. I was actually a little scared about it at first. The thought of seeing children, some on the brink of death, is a slightly difficult idea to me. Yes I have a sensitive side and yes I hate to see people facing illnesses especially children. I have spoken to a few groups since starting this journey and yes some have been children but never under these extreme conditions. But yes, I decided to go and do my best.
I arrived at the hospital in Baltimore at noon just after lunch was served. I was immediately greeted by a very thank ful staff and told what to expect. They asked if I was ok with seeing sick people and if I was ok with blood, ports and lots and lots of tubes. The person that asked me to come, Karen just started laughing and I showed my scar and well it turned into a kind of laughing session. I think they were immediately relieved to find out the extent of my experience with life threatening illnesses. Seems there is a blessing in my past after all.
By the way none of the photographs and names in this story from this point forward are from the visit....sorry hipa laws are in place for a reason.
After greeting all of the staff and getting some basic ground rules. Like in the critical contact unit, contact has to be limited to glove only contact. That idea broke my heart actually, no contact, can you only imagine. There were also mask only areas, and well I certainly understood all the rules.
The kids and some of the parents were brought into a little mini hall for me to discuss my trip with them. The ages ranged from as young as I think 3 to 16 years old. All of these kids have a, if untreated, terminal illness and some are just terminal. Yes that means that a good many of the children I met today will not live. It is a reality that they should not face....but it is a reality I think they handle better than most adults.
Well after gathering everyone that could move I gave out T shirts from my sponsors to all the kids....free stuff is always appreciated. There is no room to ride bikes there so no free bikes, sadly. But the parents who were in attendance actually had no idea who I was or why I was even there till I started talking. I think they figured I was just some guy who was going to talk about a trip. To a degree they were right but also a little wrong.
Just as I always do when I talk, I find a common starting point and well having a few illnesses in my past seemed like the perfect place to start. I told them of my heart attack, I told them of my death, I told them about the surgery, the stroke, the cancer I told them about it all. Then I told them about my trip. I talked about the feelings the distance the healing the good the bad. I told them about the people I met, the sights I saw. I described it in pretty good detail, much better detail then I will type here.
After learning I was a survivor, they lit up. Seems that they get a ton of visitors sharing their stories, but few are survivors. I suggest to any of my friends that are out there who have survived a life ending illness, please go and share your story with chronically ill children, they need to know there is hope. Show your scars so others know we heal.
The kids seemed to love the animals I described most of all. The story of crossing the river with the gators in it got them pretty good. I was asked a few incredible questions. First was I scared My response was "Yes" of course i was I was all alone in the middle of nowhere. They said well you were here in the country so you were not really in the middle of nowhere. That is when I got into detail about how remote some areas of the country are. That shocked them, most have never seen that. Just like some of the adults I have faced, this country is far bigger than a hospital ward or peoples own little bubble.
The best question came from a young lady and possibly the most moving question. Being a person that has died and still lives, I was in a unique position to answer this question.
The Young lady asked me "Does it hurt to die?"
The look of "oh my god what now" on the staffs face was actually priceless. My response was I think helpfull as I have been asked this question many times. Here is how I responded and please if you have lost someone understand what I am about to say it comes from a very real and rare experience.
It doesn't hurt. It is very confusing at first because you don't immediately know what is happening but that passes quickly. I told everyone to hold the person next to them, then I asked the lights to be turned off. Then I asked everyone to close their eyes and breathe deeply and slowly, I then talked about no pain, no worry no concerns, then I talked about the feeling of calm, then I described the flashes of my happiest moments and asked them to think of theirs....and then I said it was done....the lights came back on and well the smiles abound. I think some ease came with this, many of these kids will face this and I think it helped them all to know it is just the beginning of another aspect of life. I think it helped the parents in the room most of all.....You want to know brave, those kids are brave. Many adults I know facing death cry about leaving, kids cry for the ones they leave behind.
After the talk I was greeted with hugs and a few took pics of me. I was told I was a hero and an inspiration and really no Im just a guy these kids and their families are the real heroes. I think a few of these amazing kids will stay in touch and just like my little buddy in Croatia Jenko....they are now my friends. Commonality goes a long way to making people one....
What a blessing it was, I often think that my story is more for adults. But really most adults are a little jaded sometimes. Kids see the wonder in it, they see the hope in it and they get it....maybe Im just a kid after all. But I will take that over well I just talk being a big kid.
Happy Valentines Day.....it is about love and sharing it
