I decided, since on my Facebook page a memory showed up about getting the all clear from the doctors, to write a blog about the lessons I have learned over the last year. Some of these you would think didn't need to be learned and some of them well really needed to be learned. I'm going to cover all sorts of stuff in this one and maybe just maybe you can relate. Heck at the very least you may be able to suggest some things I need to learn.
Over the past year my life has changed drastically. I have reverted back to a simpler life and realized much of what I thought of as important really wasn't. Also I have let a ton of things go from my past as well as learned a ton about myself. Lessons have been taught to by friends, by ex lovers, by loved ones and from nature. The thing was I never really thought I needed to learn much before this year. Turns out I needed to learn more and still have a ton more to learn. It seems to be a never ending thing, ahh who knew.
Let's start with the title of this blog, Who Knew Hanging Curtains was a Bad Thing, I certainly didn't but I learned a valuable lesson with doing just that. I had no idea that crossing a line could be so innocuous as simply trying to help someone. Seems that people set things up for themselves to achieve and prove something to themselves. Even something as simple as hanging new curtain rods. I thought I was being helpful, when actually I was taking something from them. What I did seems simple enough to most men, but reality is it was intrusive, demeaning and well should my desire to be needed.
It wasn't that they were not capable of hanging them, hell they were more than capable of hanging them, I just figured since I already knew how I would just knock them out. Little did I know this little bit of assistance showed one of my biggest flaws as a person. I never realized just how much I had a need to be needed. Me interrupting their work on their home showed this flaw and a problem I have always had. What I learned and learned to late but STILL LEARNED IS IT IS BETTER TO BE WANTED THAN TO BE NEEDED. It was stupid and well childish on my part and as it turns out after much thought a problem I have created and allowed to wreak havoc in my own relationships.....now I help when asked, I offer and if it is no so be it, I would be there with the person then make them feel less than by my actions.
Being wanted over being needed let's talk about that one for a bit. I like being both and it is ok to be both....but it is up to the person making the call between being wanted and needed.
Learning the lesson of letting a person be where they are also came this past year, learning that I can't do a damn thing about someone else's place in the world. I can not change someone's way of thinking, I can not change a damn thing as much as I would like to, I can't do anything other than to control my own reaction to the things.
This came to me in stages over this past year. It came with a ton of pain and personal anguish to both me and to others. For that I really am sorry.
Other personal introspective lessons about myself came from learning that it is wrong very wrong to hold someone's past against them. This went hand in hand with what I just shared. Both people holding my past against me and using it as a weapon, I too found myself guilty of it. I tried to force situations based on this childish behavior and complained just the same when it was done to me. Lesson learned....let it go. The past is just that the past using it is childish and pathetic.
Not everyone has the propensity to be ok with things. Somethings are just not OK for the public people can be mean, myself included. I still and will always have an issue with this, because I do believe we are the sum of our experiences, we are the joys, the defeats and the successes of our lives. Wearing my heart on my sleeve is both a strength and a weakness.
Personally I feel it is a strength most don't posses to be open about yourself for both the good and bad is a real blessing.
Forgiveness is a huge thing. Lesson learned this year, to err is human but forgiveness is divine. I found that I needed to forgive a ton of things in my life to get past them. I needed to let go of what I thought the universe and people had done to me.....look at my part and most importantly forgive myself.
On that note what I have realized/learned is I am not really so bad. Like most I am both good and bad. I make mistakes and I can't beat up on others for theirs and I can't beat up myself for mine.
Along those lines I learned that some people are bitter and petty though. It is just the way their life has developed. It is up to them to see the goodness in themselves and realize that there is so much more to life. More to life than status, belongings, appearances and how people perceive you. People myself included can and still will be douches at times. Apologizing and making it right are actually what is important for those times when we are douches. So I learned the lesson of apology, what it means to say I am sorry and to not cause more harm.....even if it hurts me to do it. It is about doing what is right not about being right.
Still love even when not loved
Treat people better than they treat you. Very important.
Inspire others not just yourself.
Help instead of hinder
It is ok to be wrong
It is ok to let go
Some people are just assholes
I am far stronger than I ever knew
My past and my scars do not define me
My life is up to me
If you don't like something change it. I learned this from not only people but I self taught it.
What others think of you is none of your business, but its more important what you think of you.
Stand up for something, protest what you detest and make a difference.
Don't let anyone else dictate their perception on you even if they do call you a friend, sometimes the term friend is just a way for them to say I can be an ass to them.
It is not ok to be belittled
People will assume what they want and well fuck them
Love the people who cheer you on and forget about the ones who don't nothing you can do about them anyway
Even family that abuse you is not ok no one should abuse you even those that do it in retaliation
People will always think it is about them.....even when it is not.
Hold onto those that realize that their is more to life
Love openly no matter the consequences
I will get hurt
I will fall short
I will not meet everyones standards but that is their shit
I am my own worst critic.
I am better then I see myself
I can accomplish anything I set out to do and if I fall short I keep trying
Hurdles are meant to be overcome
Love the people in your life and cut the ones out that well don't love you
Be Good
do good
Try something epic at least once in your life.
Make a difference for others
Find your passion and fucking go for it even people think it is stupid.
Change is up to you.
Haters come from themselves just hating where their life is at
Change is up to you.
Haters come from themselves just hating where their life is at
it is ok to let people live their own life
Die Living is much better than living to die
Sometimes the memories we have of someone is tainted by the love we have for them and not the reality of their soul
So as you can see the past year has taught me a lot. More than I really wanted to learn actually. But really it is all ok I would have it no other way. Hanging curtains was a lesson that started it all and yet there is so much more to learn, experience and do. But right now I am still finding me at the ripe old age of 46 and I would have it no other way.
