With my great loop experience coming to an end shortly, I have been taking some time to think about all that has transpired over this past year. I spend entirely to much time thinking about this stuff why you may ask, well did I seriously did I really deserve this? While everyone just goes about their daily life, I am sitting on a boat in some yacht club in a sleepy little town called Georgetown South Carolina, wondering what I have done right and what I have done wrong.
A year ago this past week I was hospitalized for a relapse of my stroke symptoms. It was one of the scariest moments of my life. Much scarier than dropping dead, because unlike that day in the McDonalds, I felt this coming on. I felt my arm go limp, I felt my leg go limp, I felt my head hurting, I experienced the blurring of my vision and the weakness taking over my face as my speech started to slur. I was rushed into York hospital and given TPA, a blood thinner so extreme it could cause me to bleed through my skin. It was the fast acting work of the doctors, just like the doctors that saved my life with my heart stoppage, so yet again I survived.
Where I am going with this I am not entirely sure. But I think it may have something to do with sitting here watching one of the most beautiful sunsets these eyes have ever witnessed. Most of this past year has been spent rehashing my past, my struggles, how I have treated others and how they have treated me. The physical part of this past year is the easy part, it has been the mental things that have been hardest. It has been the lies told about me, It has been how I have been treated and it has been how I treated others, not just over this past year but over a lifetime.
See the thing is I do know what I have done wrong and what I have done right. I do know what has been done to me and what I have done to others. I am not proud of it, I am not happy with rehashing things over and over again in my head. I know my mistakes and I have been coming to terms with them all my life. It has been over this past year that I have decided to make that push to reach past what has been my life for something greater.
I think that it is in this moment I look over my life especially this past year and I see damn I have done some things to deserve this. I have done some things to in my life to pretty much balance out everything and it has been over this past year the Universe has said we are going to square a few things. This is going to become a level playing field for you Mr. Beggarly.
Karma is one of those things that can be both a bitch and a blessing. If you have bothered to read any of my blogs then you would know what I have done and what has been done to me. But somehow the Universe has started to make it all right. I am no saint, hell I have been a sinner of the first order throughout my life, but I have also tried desperately to do what is right.
Well since that truly terrifying moment last year the universe has been on a roll with me. It has given me the strength to go beyond what I ever dreamed capable. Not just physically but mentally. I am sitting here thinking back over this short little month long journey in pure amazement of the things I have seen. Hell thinking back over my time on the bike and the blessing I have received are experiences that money cannot buy.
I have witnessed the sun rise and set in so many exotic locations. Made incredible friends and given of myself. I have been able to inspire others by just showing them what we all are capable of when faced with challenges. I have swam with dolphins, become a sponsored athlete, a published writer, ate dinner at the finest resorts in the United States, been face to face with an alligator, watched an eagle soar, hugged the oldest oak tree, danced in the streets, Skinny dipped a lot ( I mean a lot this year), rode a float in a major parade, released sea turtles, ran with wild horses, searched for whales, getting ready to scuba dive with sharks, crossed paths with a wild boar, been in a life or death fight with a dog , cycled across half of America, Sailed half the Eastern United States, met great people (not just famous people but great people from every walk of life), walked the streets of the oldest cities, visited wonders others only dream of, danced in New York on New Years Eve, slept on the shores of the mightiest rivers and loved like never before.
Anyone of those things would be a memory of a lifetime, for me they have made up this past year. I don't know what I did right or what I did wrong to deserve being here, right now, but I will take it. I don't know if it has been the universes way of paying me back for the things people have done to me or talked about me. I don't know, I just know that even with my PTSD and anxiety this past year has gone from starting with the scariest of moments and has led to this.
<!-- @page { margin: 0.79in } P { margin-bottom: 0.08in } A:link { so-language: zxx } -->Forgiving those who have hurt me has been difficult, forgiving those that have doubted and talked about me has been hard, walking away has been hell but I know I truly know the universe has not brought me this far to let me down. This trip may end but the journey has not stopped. I can not believe just loving and trying to impress someone has led to all this.....as I sit here and wach another beautiful sunset I have no idea what tomorrow will bring but that is ok I am not done living my best day ever just yet. I am an amazingly flawed spectacular mother fucker.....stonger then I know and witness to all that is good.
MY NEXT BLOG IS GOING TO BE ABOUT WHAT COMES NEXT.........
