Ever since my bicycle trip I have learned to listen to what the Universe has tried to tell me. Gratitude for having my best day ever each and every day is pretty damn cool. In this blog I'm going to spend a little time talking about the people, places and events I am most grateful for. From the stalker freak from my hometown to my meeting with the Artist Frank Deloach today. There is a reason to be grateful for all things even if you consider them good or bad.....be grateful for the life you have.
Riding the bow of the ship La Bateau into Charleston Harbor the other day somethings crossed my mind. Here I am at the ripe old age of 46 in the best shape of my life living a life only others can dream about. I just got word of a piece I wrote was now going to be published, making me an actual writer with a few pieces now in publication. I am sailing on a boat through areas some only get to see in bits and pieces, doing things like swimming with wild dolphins, kayaking in search of birthing whales, touring new cities and areas and meeting the most incredible people.
After spending a few days here I made a comment on a friends facebook page about getting a plane to pick them up and bring them down here should they actually need a breather like they said. Well some of you may know and some of you may not, but I have a few detractors back in my hometown of Bel Air, the person who commented is one of them. A pathetic little coward of a person, someone who has done so very little with things that he can not fathom that others have reached for more and assumes he knows what my life has become because of the rumors of these people who have not been in my life for almost 30 years. Just because I do not own a home, a fancy car or have the "things him and his kind hold important".
Well let me just say this single comment on an actual friends post seemed to have opened a shit storm for the small minded wonders of my hometown. Because I woke to a ton of messages from these freaks. It was in looking over their messages as I deleted them that I felt this wave of gratitude come over me. And that gratitude is what I have focused on all day long.
The gratitude that stemmed from these messages of hate and bullshit, was simply awesome to feel. As I read each of the 30 some odd messages some from real accounts and some from fake ones I realized, damn how glad I got away from these people. How grateful I was to be sitting on a yacht in the middle of Saint John Yacht club and slowly methodically deleting these messages.
It really brought to light what got me to this point and how I even need to thank the freak boy stalker from my hometown. Captain Trumplet as I like to call him, well just because it is fun to say on the rare occasion I talk about the assclown. But on a serious note, though just like the messengers from last night to Capt. Trumplet along with all of the other self absorbed back stabbing assholes that make up the majority of my hometown I'm gratfull for them, I may of never left that town or area had it not been for them.
I would never of had the opportunity to meet my new friends up and down the east coast. I would of never swam with wild dolphins, kayaked out to see birthing whales, scuba dived in the open ocean, sat on the beaches of some of the most exotic spots in America, watched the sunrise over this open ocean, hugged the worlds oldest/largest oak tree, become a published writer and walked the streets talking with the people of the most incredible cities in America.
So stalker boy and girl and all the people who still act like children in and from the town of Bel Air thank you. From the bottom of my heart I so greatly appreciate you not accepting me. I can not thank you enough for being the assholes that you are because had I actually been accepted into your back stabbing lying childish fake to your face world I may never of gone out after this amazing life. So few of you have been a part of my life for the last 30 years (got to love how you all act like you know a damn thing about my life) and I can not wait to keep it that way for the next 30 years.....please stay stuck in your small minded bubbles and keep being you. Maybe you will inspire another soul like me to leave you all behind.
Wow that actually felt good, to forgive and thank those people so I may just keep it going. Actually I will keep it going for a few more people. But unlike the negative people who inspired me there was one that was not negative but turned that way and while I miss them at times especially when I am experiencing something I know they would love to see or do I do need to thank their wonderful ass. Not as in wonderful ass but as in ass as a person oh who am I kidding they had a wonderful ass.
Had it not been for their love and help when I was going through a difficult illness/treatment I would of not have felt love. Had it not been for them listening to their siblings also not understanding what was going on with me/helping me and for them being selfish and chasing materialism, I may have never gone on my bicycle ride. I may never have shown people what even broken people are capable of. I don't blame them for thinking and acting like that, hell I deserved it I was a dick to them at times. They choose their life despite saying they were not like that, I get it and I know they think of it as a mistake but I hope that they read this and realize that it was no mistake, it was no coincidence, now because of what happened between us thousands of people have hope that they to can do something amazing. Their choice while it hurt me and them helped others and that is worth being grateful for. I will always love them and I know the sound of that may be painful for them but the world is bigger then just our bubble. Thank you for being in my life and thank you for leaving it, I am sure the kids in Mobile who got a bicycle built by me appreciate it, the family whose home in Baton Rouge I helped rebuild appreciate it and maybe by you deciding to go for appearances and acceptability not to mention hurting me despite telling me you loved me it may have saved someones life. The guy that was arrested for pulling the gun on me at the Florida Alabama line may have killed someone in the future. What I am talking about here is the butterfly effect and I know that if I continue to do the best even if it is at times meant to try and show you something good in me your decision to throw me away can be a good thing.
As I have said before in the past I don't blame you I am not mad anymore, I miss you and I love you for who you are and who you want to be. Doing what was right for you and your family was a good thing babe. It was, the big picture is while it may hurt and may have been painful it may have done some good. That is how I look at it now. Iam sorry and really thank you I just wish I could just write your name just once but I can't. So look it is ok I still think the world of you and maybe one day you will think that of me.
There are no coincidences, right my friend from , you came into my life once and then you came back into my life. Then again you disappeared with no explanation at least to me. I don't know why or what but you to deserve a thank you as well. Had you also not thrown me away for what ever reason I may not have had to deal with all that I did. I may not have endured the ridicule and harassment I may still have been trying to be accepted by people not worthy of my time or consideration. I may never have felt the love and feel of you my friend. So no their are no coincidences, Heck if I look past my life and look at the big picture you may not be with the person you are with and you may not be happy had I stayed but I know your toes would've curled lol that goes for the last two....sorry just having some fun. seriously thank you. I love and aDore you plus I miss you.
Im even grateful for the cowards who were once my friend but had no spine to stand up to others. People who are just too worried about what others thought to stay my friend but would still act like it despite succumbing to the pressures of oh what will these other people think of me. Without them I would never appreciate the amazing friends that did stick by me and said fuck the others. No cowards like that and some others I can do without. How you act in the face of opposition is who you are. You can either stand up and be counted or you can step in line with the crowd either way I am grateful for them they mean well they just have the need to be accepted. But thank you just the same. You are who you are it's cool thank you.
Just like the person I mentioned in the last section, things happen for a reason what seems like good and what seems like bad is all a matter of the particular point of view. Just like my heart attack stroke and cancer. They all led me to change my life like nothing else would. Just as in my mothers passing their was something that was good. She was no longer in pain, she no longer had to deal with the hurt. I was meant to become stronger through her passing and accepting all of those things and looking beyond my bubble at the big picture if all these things had not come to pass in my life I would not be here not now not at this moment. So thanking the friends I have, the loves that are now in my life as well those that are not, even thanking the assholes who stalked me or my step mother that beat me as a child and even being grateful for my illnesses makes for a pretty content and happy place to be.
Today I witnessed god on earth in the form of the Angel Oak, I sat under its incredible canopy, talking with strangers and making new friends. Had all the things in my life not come to pass I may have missed this perfect moment. Instead everything has led me to being a part of the day. At least for me a level of balance comes over me when I accept things, there is no good or bad just how I perceive them to be.
As Always once again accepting the past for its part in my life, forgiving the perceived bad and accepting the reality of each situation in its relation to the big picture it all seems ok. Hate me love me what ever just look around and realize their is so much more to this world then just ourselves. What we do has an impact what we send out into the universe is what is returned.....If it wasn't for the people who love me, the people who hate me, the people who judge me, the good, the bad and my friends I may have just missed the beauty of my best day yet.
Do not get me wrong I am not just grateful for the bad I am so grateful for the good the amazing people who have inspired me, shown me, loved me and held onto me. Those people with the strength to love unconditionally and to stand by you. These rare people who see beyond themselves to help and to love are truly better then the rest. They are my friends amazing amazing and amazing people. You make it so easy to appreciate all that my life has become. Thank you for being amazing examples of friends and family.
As I told the artist Frank Deloach today as we sat under the Angel Oak Tree in Charleston "Life is just like this tree, each branch an extension of life, each branch a part of everything even the small ones, the sick ones, the broken ones and the huge ones are all part of this magnificent life".
The best is yet to come....our lives are connected and life is amazing get your heart in motion and live it.....although nothing has topped my daughter being born yet.
