I have waited to write this till I felt comfortable writing this. This part of my journey has come to an end but it is just a detour I did not want to take. But reality is stranger then fiction at times and well the reality of having to stop set in with my inability to continue physically. I said I would go till my body can not make it any further and well my body said you are stopping. In this blog post I am going to talk about the decision, the struggle of coming home and what is next......
“There is no real ending. It’s just the place where you stop the story.”
― Frank Herbert
In all actuality my story never comes to an end but this part of my journey has. It came in a very abrupt and painful end. I was heading to my next destination when a delivery vehicle slowly crossed over into the shoulder of the road I was traveling. I learned in Texas to be careful of these things. Heck I learned going across the country to be careful. But in this particular situation i watched it occur in my rear view mirror which I bought for such an occasion. You see there are these things called rumble strips on roadways. You get used to the sound....a shoulder rumble strip is a constant sound a center line rumble strip has breaks in the rumble sound....
While traveling down a rather steep hill and going about 30 mph I heard that horrible sound of constant rumble. I looked back to see a panel delivery truck easing into the shoulder. Like most roads in Texas the shoulders are shallow maybe if your lucky a foot or two deep. This one was about 2 feet deep and I saw the truck coming....
As it got closer I had no choice but to either get hit or go into the tall grass and ditch. I opted for the tall grass and ditching. I came to rest in a rather large drainage ditch unconscious for a bit I believe because I do not remember much from the flipping and coming to a stop. I had an intense pain in my wrist, ankle, rib cage, head and Knee. Another driver saw my trailer laying on its side and stopped. She called the ambulance and eventually someone showed and took me 60 miles away to the nearest medical facility.
After a thorough evaluation and x rays it became clear. That yes my wrist is broken, my ankle has a class one low sprain, two ribs are fractured and both MCL ligaments in my left knee are hyper extended.
After getting my bike to the next shop after a few days of hotel bed rest I figured a couple more days down and I may be able to continue.....I always said I would go till my body said no. Performance Cycles of Fort Worth outfitted my bike with the most extreme of granny gears and well has done amazing things to make the trip doable under normal circumstances......give you an idea my bike has shaved 8 piunds and is about as lean and mean as some of the most high end bikes. Schwinn did well by me that is for sure.
Problem is my leg couldn't handle it. I tried I really did. But I had to face reality. This part of the journey has come to an end and I had to return home or risk destroying my leg and getting trapped in the bad weather rolling in. There is brave and there is stupid I am only one of those and I will let you decide.
I flew home on a Thursday hoping to see some of my loved ones. I have mentioned a special woman in my life on more than one occasion in my blogs. Well she was teaching and unable to come see me. My daughter had to work and well here it is a week later and I have seen neither of them. I don't even know about the woman at all. All i heard was I need time and I have things going on....no explanation no nothing....and well that both sucks and hurts. But I respect her choices but it would of nice to have even gotten an answer or an explanation and sorry my mind still thinks its me.....and its tough and well I miss her dearly. Maybe she knew I would be facing this and that I needed to do this on my own or she felt not good enough for me either way i don't know and damn it I wish I did....but oh well the choices are hers I just wish she knew how much she has come to mean to me.....but i think she knows that I will always adore her but it is not my call or anything, no control here. But the time she needs is hers just have to laugh a little but that is all I have to say about this anymore....
I feel like a stranger in a strange land and I don't know which way is up. I changed out there and my perception changed but here has not. I know what is around each corner there is no challenge but I opened doors inside me I never knew and well I could either fall back into the humdrum or I could embrace the new world my journey has opened.
That is my fight right now where do I fall what do I embrace. Do I settle for what was and just continue on or do I shoot for the moon and beyond I think this is the course I am going for I didn't make it through all that to settle for anything but the best. But I have to find that answer somewhere inside me and well I don't know at this moment. Money is short life is long and well Iam different in so many ways....but either way the journey continues and I don't know how to give up. I need to heal and I need to plan the return to the road and where I need to go for myself....this I know but it has to be done on my own.....as always.
