If you are new to following my blogs or decided hey let me just read this one finally. You picked a good one to read. This one is a recap of 2016, where things are at now and what is coming in 2017. The future looks bright I better wear shades.
2016 Has been one of the best and one of the most difficult ones of my life. I turned 46 this year. I dated two amazing women, put two forms of Cancer in remission, became a sponsored triathlete and then a sponsored athlete. Oh and did I forget to mention I rode my bicycle half way across the United States by myself. Seems that many things I never expected happened and some things I thought beyond me just came together.
Let me start off with the Cancer treatments. They were excruciating to say the least, only people who have dealt with them know the feelings that come with them. Being in that level of pain and never showing anyone is difficult and trying to say the least. But man I no longer hear the crickets in my head or pain in my joints and for that I am grateful. On top of the heart issues I really had no choice but to try exercising. So that is what happened and it came about from another thing that came into being and then ended this year as well.
One thing I did not know though was I had been suffering from a form of medical PTSD from all of the medical issues. Again this lead to many of the events of this past year ones I am none to happy about. I often wondered why I got short, felt less then and had a need to feel needed. Turns out after many months of therapy and well chemical help as well. Oh and 60 days on a bike it seems to be under control, for everyone's sake I hope that it stays that way. So far so good since coming back I have only had panic/anxiety attacks in the past 6 months. Again though like the cancer treatments everything has a cause and effect....and this one had a big effect.
I mentioned that I dated two fantastic women this past year and well I did. I don't know if either of them even think of me and really it is none of my business. Im just happy to have had the opportunity to be in their life. The first one had a really big impact on 2016 in mostly good ways but also in some terrible ways. The terrible ways by the way were not her fault, but more a culmination of my own issues. Despite all that happened I will always think of her fondly it is just that I wasn't the type of man she wanted or maybe I am just was never given the chance. Sometimes timing is everything and well the timing on that relationship sucked.
We shared many common interests, we talked often but because of circumstances we couldn't really do anything. I don't know if it was her being ashamed of me or if it was just my own foolishness to think that I could be something I wasn't. You see I like many things I enjoy museums, art shows, long walks and well strip trivial pursuit but I also had a need at that time to feel needed because well I didn't feel needed for a long time and I felt rather empty. She made me feel not so empty, but like many things in my life I have a tendency to take things to their limit and well I took this relationship there and I am sorry I put her in a position to where she had to compromise her principles, I will regret that for a lifetime to come I actually just miss the friendship, and well some love for her still. If it had not been for her I would've never started down this path that I am on now. I would've just been living to die. It just would of been nice to have been given a chance but that is ok also.
It was through her inspiration that I choose to try my hand at a Triathlon. My first one was in Virginia Beach and was geared strictly to just finishing. I had the time of my life doing this and well I fell in love with it. This opened the doors to meeting a group of people like me. I met the people of Ironheart and found people like me who have overcome medical issues (heart issues mostly) to inspire many. I will be eternally grateful to them for doing this for me. I think I may have met some life long friends.
It was through one particular person in this group who I have yet to meet personally,but look forward to meeting in 2017, that gave me the idea that has changed my life. Cindy is a survivor and I think has had to deal with some of the same things as me, maybe not to my extent. She told me of her ride across the country to get to a new life, she told me of how she left it all on the road. Well that sounded appealing and after 2 hours I decided to try it.
I pushed my body this summer to what I thought was its limits. I did two a day work outs seven days a week. At 45 with a health issues this was no easy task but it seemed to have an impact on me as well as others. To quote Forrest Gump "I have been told people found hope and inspiration in it, Well I don't know about that", but it seems that there is something about being a average or even at times below average person trying to do something amazing that people could relate to. Most will never understand and well that is ok also. Some like to liken their life to Forrest Gump's run and how just showing up and trying amazing things happened, for me it really did.
Which brings me to the second woman of 2016. A woman I met after the first, one who I was immediately attracted to. We met at the wrong time also, my ptsd was in full tilt when we met and well her life was in upheaval as well and again timing played a part in things not working out at first. She heard about my pending trip and reconnected with me.....and well it was amazing for a time as are all burgeoning relationships. Eventually reality and the fact that I am not the guy for her came out and well it ended again this time I think for good which again I will regret for the rest of my days.
So this brings me to my trip. The trip of a lifetime, one that seems to only happen to others, certainly not to a once dead, fat guy who never truly did much with his life. Most people thought I would never make it out of Florida, if even more then a few hundred miles, especially after getting hit by a car the first day. I don't blame anyone for thinking it, I actually laugh about it now because honestly I did not know how far I would make it.
So this epic journey started and off I went, heading west young man. It had become a journey of not only could I make it but could I leave it all on the road as Cindy said. Could I put my past behind me, forgive myself, forgive others, place the past where it belongs, face my demons, loose my mind and find my soul. Everyday I tried, everyday I pushed myself physically and mentally and I proved my worth to myself. I proved to others that despite what you think limits you, nothing truly does.
I had detractors, I still do. A person from my hometown decided to do all they could to harass, hinder and stop the message from getting out. From creating fake posts, making up horrible stories about me and well generally defaming me as best they could. It was several at first and then dwindled down to just one. I eventually had to contact the police, after an investigation this persons identity is known. However I have no desire to ruin someones life as they tried mine. I have decided to not press criminal and civil charges at this time but it doesn't mean I won't in the future. I just know from my own experience, that I would rather not worry about them and just let them be themselves, Im ok with looking in the mirror each day, they have to live with themselves and that is far worse then having their life ruined.
Besides I would like to think they will end up learning to celebrate others achievements then trying to hurt them. It goes a long way to helping people, I would rather keep hope alive.
So, on this journey I did prove my worth through challenges that seem to have been written by a master screenwriter. I crossed a river on foot with live wild alligators, I fought a giant dog and won, I survived two car accidents, I rode an electric bull in texas, hung out with cowboys, met elvis's cousin, participated in the Halloween parade in New Orleans, help rebuild homes in Baton Rouge, sat on the beach and watched the sun set, met one some service members (one will be one of the first female combat infantry officers in the army), Faced down a man with a gun pointed in my face, watched an eagle fly and most importantly I lived. I also rode my bicycle in the tip of a hurricane and well slept on the banks of the mississippi. The trip was cut short by the last accident and well that leads to the present.
Upon returning home I was asked if I would consider writing a book about the trip. So I met with a literary agent who is now soliciting potential publishers, while I write. I also have been asked to help with continuing to inspire people through a entry level triathlon series based on the Broken Not Beaten. Not to mention showing that through exercise even health issues can be overcome, I show almost no sign of having a half dead heart or even having a heart attack.
What I came home to was not what I expected at all. I have felt lost, out there my life seemed to have a purpose and I really wanted to be the first triple survivor to make the trip. And well that brings me to what 2017 has in store.
I have been contacted by several organizations that want to me to participate in events along my return trip. Yes I said return trip, I have decided that I will be heading back out to restart my journey. It was to amazing to stop and has opened many doors for me personally, besides I like having an impact. I get to meet as of right now a childhood hero of mine who has been following me (now that is cool). The triathlon series has potential to go nationwide, a book deal is a real prospect and a ever growing relationship with my sponsor (this may change in 2017, fingers crossed) and a move that has been decades in the waiting.
That move is a relocation to the south. I will be moving to Florida in February of 2017. I have want to work with motivating young people and showing them that there is nothing they can not overcome. Part of my stops on my return trip are also with other survivors, along with some form of involvement in the Tour De California bike race. Also 2017 on top of all this, holds another dream of mine, I will be participating and finishing a half Ironman in Augusta Georgia. 2018 already has a potential trip....a perimeter ride of Australia, A fully off road ride that will truly challenge what I am capable of. But all of this is contingent on finishing the original journey with lessons learned. I have something that I need to do at the Grand Canyon and Im putting a lot on that stop.
So if you have not realized by now that a once dead guy who was overweight, crazy and well beaten can accomplish anything then you have missed the point of all this. Anyone can do something amazing all you have to do is try and be given the chance (by yourself and by others). I choose to live today and I choose to be the best I can be.....I choose hope.
